Thursday, 9 May 2013

Secrets of a Godly Marriage part 2



1.  She needs to know you and be known by you.  Men are loners and must learn to give themselves unselfishly into the relationship.  Marriage is sharing all things with one another, and communication is the key to marriage.  Women are feelers whilst men are doers, but these attributes in harmony complement one another.  If communication and togetherness are missing, there will be no harmony and these attributes will clash with one another to the detriment of the relationship.  Husbands must have quality time with their wives.

 2.  A wife needs affection apart from sex.  She must be cherished and loved.  Courting should not end with marriage, but become a deeper and lasting companionship. Continue to give her love gifts, and surprises as these thoughts are much appreciated and will be rewarded by warmth and giving on her part.  Plan holidays and outings together knowing that anticipation is 50% of the joy and pleasure of the trip.  Do not neglect the intimate conversations, cuddling and affection, which will give her a real appreciation of her worth.

 3. She needs encouragement and praise.  Eliminate sarcasm from your conversation as your wife needs to be affirmed and built up to overcome a poor self-image.  She needs encouragement every day, not criticism and condemnation.  Just remember that the two of you have become one spirit in marriage.  What you input into her life, you are going to receive in your own life.  If your input is negative you   will reap the same, but if you pour positive words, blessings and encouragement into your wife you will be richly rewarded.

 4. Awareness.  Be aware of your wife even when you are busy with other things.  Little things mean a lot, and this assurance of love and security will keep her balanced and peaceful.  Be courteous and attentive and this will keep her attention of you!  When you are in a crowd, catch her eye often and make sure she is comfortable, she will appreciate it!  Be aware of her spiritual side, as well.  She generally has a softer spiritual awareness and can be of great help to you in many areas, if you just listen to her occasionally.

 5. A wife needs to know that you really need her.  Never ignore her or put her down publicly as it will create a distrust within her that will never heal.  It is easier for a man to say ‘I love you’ than ‘I need you’ as it jolts the male ego out of its independence to admit that it is not self-sufficient.  Let her know how much you really do need her to keep love alight and give her a happy heart.

6.  Sensitivity to her present state.  A woman has many moods caused by hormonal changes from week to week.  When you know her well you will almost be able to predict the time that she changes.  Pay attention to her changing needs – sometimes she needs to cry – it is a safety valve – if she needs comfort at this time just hold her close and realize that you done nothing wrong.

 7. Take responsibility for the children.  A wife needs to know that she is not bringing up the children alone, but that you are taking an active and responsible role in their development including attending school functions.  Children need their father’s approval and encouragement.  Take time to play with them and fellowship with them, apart from the times of family devotions. 


If you use these guidelines, and adapt them to your own circumstances, you are assured of a happy wife and home.  Steer clear of peer pressure from work colleagues who are either single, or in need of some marital restructuring, who urge you to spend time with the boys to show that you are not under the wifely thumb. 

 Rather tell them that your attention to your domestic situation is bringing you so much joy and fulfillment that there is nowhere else on earth you would rather be.  Provoke them to find the same bliss as you have – you may just start a revolution in the right direction!

 If you find that you fall far short of the mark, and feel like giving up in advance, don’t.  Take one day at a time and start slowly to rebuild yourself and your marriage with the Lord and your wife giving encouragement and assistance where needed.
A Christian home should be a microcosm of heaven on earth, with Jesus Christ the chief cornerstone, and all things coming under His authority and direction.  This is the recipe for a perfect marriage.  The husband submits to the authority of Jesus Christ, and the wife submits to THAT authority in her husband. 

If the husband’s submission is not correct it will affect the line of authority all the way down.  This is why Satan fights against the man’s authority in the home so powerfully.  Women’s liberation and the equality of the sexes are major weapons of destruction to the truth of the gospel concerning the role of men and women. 


The husband’s authority in the home is in direct proportion to his submission to the Lord Jesus Christ.  If he has no authority in his home, it is no good blaming his wife for not submitting to him.  He must check his standing with the Lord – no matter how good a Christian he thinks he is.  His wife and children are first fellow-labourers in Jesus Christ and members of the family of God and should be respected as such, and treated as one would treat any brother or sister in the Lord.  In a Christian home a wife desires to submit to her husband and be guided by him.  They enjoy fellowship and prayer together.  Their children are obedient and will grow up to be beautiful Christian people free of drugs, alcohol and sexual problems.




Firstly, let us read 1 Peter 3 v 1 – 6:  “Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; while they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.  Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing gold, or of putting on of apparel; but let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.  For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands:  Even as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement.” 

a)   Be in subjection to your own husbands.  You need to guard against peer pressure from other wives, or your mother or sisters, who give all sorts of advice that does not correspond to the word of God, nor fit your present circumstances.  Be careful of not attaching too much importance to fashionable women’s magazines with many tips for how to rule over your man.  Your life’s partner may not be everything God wants him to be yet, but you can build or destroy him with your tongue!

b)   Without the word be won by the conversation of the wives.  If you are born again and your husband is not, giving him the gospel and Bible bashing him is going to drive him further away.  You have to show him how much Jesus has changed you without saying a word!  Your conversation towards him must be to build and encourage rather than condemning and criticizing him.  Your conversation with people outside your home should never be one of complaint against your husband.  Your changed attitude will not go unnoticed – Jesus will make sure of that – and even if he says nothing it will begin to work on him from the inside.  Of course, you will be praying for him as well, as led by the Holy Spirit, which should break down walls of resistance within him.

c)   Outward adorning of hair…gold…and apparel.  Remember that our God looks on our hearts and not our outward appearance.  Of course, we must always be neat, tidy and clean, but the emphasis these days is to always be at the height of fashion, the cutting edge of glamour and sophistication.  That is the way of the world and those who follow the rudiments of the world have missed out on the way of Jesus Christ completely.  Jesus does not expect us to be dowdy and dull, but to be modestly and presentably dressed.  The Holy Spirit looks upon the hidden man of the heart, that which is not corruptible and the way we have grown, submitted, humbled ourselves, prayed, witnessed, become pure and Christlike, is what impresses Him, not our outward appearance.

d)  The ornament of a meek and quiet spirit.  God says that our meekness and quietness of heart is of great price to Him.  If we desire to please God, there is no better way.  We have come out of the world where it is a dog eat dog society; trying to keep up with the Jones’s is a full time occupation; ruthlessness, rivalry, competition, power-struggles and battles for supremacy from the Olympics to the bedroom are major distractions and temptations for the Christian.  Be meek, that does not mean weak, it means that your strengths are under the control of the Holy Spirit, and are used by Him to enhance Jesus within you.  Jesus and Moses were the two meekest men in the Bible.  There was nothing weak about them.  Quietness of heart subdues that loudmouth spirit that loves to backchat, have the last word, drowns out everyone else and never listens to anyone.

e)  Three pitfalls:  Do not criticize your husband in public; do not nag him and guard your tongue against harshness and gossip.  As James said those who can tame the tongue can bring their whole body under control.  Self control is one of the fruit of the Holy Spirit growing in your heart.




1. He needs a wife who respects him as a man.  Men are prone to feelings of rejection and are loners.  The more respect and acceptance he receives from his wife, the more his confidence will grow.  If she continually puts him down and shows that she has no respect for him he will become negative in his attitude and turn more and more to his buddies for acceptance to the detriment of the family unity.

2.  He needs a wife who accepts him as her leader.  She must have confidence in his authority.  She must learn to listen without interruption, giving him a chance to develop his ideas.

 3. He needs a wife who will continue to develop inward and outward beauty.  As she grows in the Lord her grace, serenity, maturity will enhance his own well-being.  She needs to have a home that is well looked after and an hospitable attitude.

 4. He needs quality time to be alone with himself and with God.  A wife must not become jealous of the time that her husband needs to pray and fellowship with the Lord.  He needs time to think, plan and pray; to sort out the family needs, financial problems and his own spiritual growth.

 5. He needs a wife who is grateful for all he has done, and is doing, for her and the family.  Remember that men act and women react.  Wives will respond to the way that husbands behave.  Both must give their all into the marriage to reap the blessings that God has for them and their children. 

 If your family is in a crisis turn off everything that is coming between you and the Lord and spend some quality time getting your lives back on track.  He does not want to see any more divorce or division amongst His children, so know that He will be backing you up and helping in miraculous ways to restore unity and harmony to the marriage and family life.  Do not play games with Him however, as the consequences may not appeal to you at all. 

 May the Lord richly bless you all with His love, mercy and grace. Amen.