SEVEN BASIC NEEDS OF A WOMAN
1. She needs to know you and be known by
you. Men are loners and must learn to give themselves unselfishly into
the relationship. Marriage is sharing all things with one another, and
communication is the key to marriage. Women are feelers whilst men are
doers, but these attributes in harmony complement one another. If
communication and togetherness are missing, there will be no harmony and these
attributes will clash with one another to the detriment of the
relationship. Husbands must have quality time with their wives.
6. Sensitivity to her present state. A
woman has many moods caused by hormonal changes from week to week. When
you know her well you will almost be able to predict the time that she
changes. Pay attention to her changing needs – sometimes she needs to cry
– it is a safety valve – if she needs comfort at this time just hold her close
and realize that you done nothing wrong.
If you use these guidelines, and adapt them to your own
circumstances, you are assured of a happy wife and home. Steer clear of
peer pressure from work colleagues who are either single, or in need of some
marital restructuring, who urge you to spend time with the boys to show that
you are not under the wifely thumb.
If you find that you fall far short of the mark, and feel
like giving up in advance, don’t. Take one day at a time and start slowly
to rebuild yourself and your marriage with the Lord and your wife giving
encouragement and assistance where needed.
A Christian home should be a microcosm of heaven on earth, with Jesus Christ the chief cornerstone, and all things coming under His authority and direction. This is the recipe for a perfect marriage. The husband submits to the authority of Jesus Christ, and the wife submits to THAT authority in her husband.
If the husband’s submission is not correct it will affect
the line of authority all the way down. This is why Satan fights against
the man’s authority in the home so powerfully. Women’s liberation and the
equality of the sexes are major weapons of destruction to the truth of the
gospel concerning the role of men and women.
The husband’s authority in the home is in direct
proportion to his submission to the Lord Jesus Christ. If he has no
authority in his home, it is no good blaming his wife for not submitting to
him. He must check his standing with the Lord – no matter how good a
Christian he thinks he is. His wife and children are first
fellow-labourers in Jesus Christ and members of the family of God and should be
respected as such, and treated as one would treat any brother or sister in the
Lord. In a Christian home a wife desires to submit to her husband and be
guided by him. They enjoy fellowship and prayer together. Their children
are obedient and will grow up to be beautiful Christian people free of drugs,
alcohol and sexual problems.
ESPECIALLY FOR WIVES
Firstly, let us read 1 Peter 3 v 1 – 6: “Likewise,
ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word,
they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; while
they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear. Whose adorning
let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing gold,
or of putting on of apparel; but let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that
which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which
is in the sight of God of great price. For after this manner in the old
time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in
subjection unto their own husbands: Even as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling
him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid
with any amazement.”
a) Be in subjection to your own
husbands. You need to guard against peer pressure from other wives, or
your mother or sisters, who give all sorts of advice that does not correspond
to the word of God, nor fit your present circumstances. Be careful of not
attaching too much importance to fashionable women’s magazines with many tips
for how to rule over your man. Your life’s partner may not be everything
God wants him to be yet, but you can build or destroy him with your tongue!
b) Without the word be won by the
conversation of the wives. If you are born again and your husband is not,
giving him the gospel and Bible bashing him is going to drive him further
away. You have to show him how much Jesus has changed you without saying
a word! Your conversation towards him must be to build and encourage
rather than condemning and criticizing him. Your conversation with people
outside your home should never be one of complaint against your husband.
Your changed attitude will not go unnoticed – Jesus will make sure of that –
and even if he says nothing it will begin to work on him from the inside.
Of course, you will be praying for him as well, as led by the Holy Spirit,
which should break down walls of resistance within him.
c) Outward adorning of hair…gold…and
apparel. Remember that our God looks on our hearts and not our outward
appearance. Of course, we must always be neat, tidy and clean, but the
emphasis these days is to always be at the height of fashion, the cutting edge
of glamour and sophistication. That is the way of the world and those who
follow the rudiments of the world have missed out on the way of Jesus Christ
completely. Jesus does not expect us to be dowdy and dull, but to be
modestly and presentably dressed. The Holy Spirit looks upon the hidden
man of the heart, that which is not corruptible and the way we have grown,
submitted, humbled ourselves, prayed, witnessed, become pure and Christlike, is
what impresses Him, not our outward appearance.
d) The ornament of a meek and quiet
spirit. God says that our meekness and quietness of heart is of great
price to Him. If we desire to please God, there is no better way.
We have come out of the world where it is a dog eat dog society; trying to keep
up with the Jones’s is a full time occupation; ruthlessness, rivalry,
competition, power-struggles and battles for supremacy from the Olympics to the
bedroom are major distractions and temptations for the Christian. Be
meek, that does not mean weak, it means that your strengths are under the
control of the Holy Spirit, and are used by Him to enhance Jesus within
you. Jesus and Moses were the two meekest men in the Bible. There
was nothing weak about them. Quietness of heart subdues that loudmouth
spirit that loves to backchat, have the last word, drowns out everyone else and
never listens to anyone.
e) Three pitfalls: Do not criticize your
husband in public; do not nag him and guard your tongue against harshness and
gossip. As James said those who can tame the tongue can bring their whole
body under control. Self control is one of the fruit of the Holy Spirit
growing in your heart.
FIVE BASIC NEEDS OF A HUSBAND
1. He needs a wife who respects him as a man.
Men are prone to feelings of rejection and are loners. The more respect
and acceptance he receives from his wife, the more his confidence will
grow. If she continually puts him down and shows that she has no respect
for him he will become negative in his attitude and turn more and more to his
buddies for acceptance to the detriment of the family unity.
2. He needs a wife who accepts him as her
leader. She must have confidence in his authority. She must learn
to listen without interruption, giving him a chance to develop his ideas.