Scripture: 1 John 3 v 11 - 16: "For this is the message that ye heard from the beginning, that we should love one another.
12 Not as Cain, who was of that wicked one, and slew his brother. And wherefore slew he him? Because his own works were evil, and his brother's righteous.13 Marvel not, my brethren, if the world hate you.
14 We know that we have passed from death unto life, because we love the brethren. He that loveth not his brother abideth in death.
15 Whosoever hateth his brother is a murderer: and ye know that no murderer hath eternal life abiding in him.
16 Hereby perceive we the love of God, because he laid down his life for us: and we ought to lay down our lives for the brethren."
God is love! It is His total nature and everything that happens to His children is because of His great love. In John 15 v 8 - 10: "Herein is my Father glorified, that ye bear much fruit; so shall ye be my disciples.
9 As the Father hath loved me, so have I loved you: continue ye in my love.
10 If ye keep my commandments, ye shall abide in my love; even as I have kept my Father's commandments, and abide in his love."
We certainly can't love one another if we are wielding a hatchet in anger, criticism or judgment. It's God's love working through us that touches the sinful world and draws them to Jesus for salvation.
We are all different in culture, background, ancestry, beliefs, race, colour, language and loyalties. We are diverse in nature, looks, occupations, hobbies, ideologies and thinking. And then we meet Jesus, who comes into our hearts to change us into His likeness.
Suddenly we are forgiven all sin and made into a new creation. We have forgiven those who have hurt us when we become a born again child of a Holy God. We are now the inheritors of all His promises.
We have been given the ultimate clean page with all the dirty pages ripped out and burned, never to be seen again nor remembered. Plus all the benefits of healing, deliverance, reconciliation and a huge new family who all love us.
We also have that absolute marvel - a free will! We have the power of choice. Unfortunately we also have some lingering bad memories of grievances before this total change. Marital problems or criminal court cases that don't just disappear because we have moved our sights to Heaven.
In counselling people over the past forty years I have heard both sides of every argument (like the neighbour in the apartment next door) and without much variation it boils down to money, children, religion, alcohol and sex in no particular order.
From men the constant complaint is that women remember everything they ever did wrong. Whenever a woman is losing an argument she reaches back into the past, and in chronological order using a withering tone of voice, reminds them of every dismal failure since the day they met.
While the husband is now seething at this unfair tactic, the wife can be heard behind a closed bedroom door laughing and chatting to her friends without a care in the world. It has a shattering effect on his authority and he either escalates this argument into a nuclear war or buries it under the carpet and heads for the nearest bar to self-medicate.
From women the usual complaint is that husbands don't do enough to help raise the children. They both have full time jobs but she has to cook, check homework, ensure the family has clean clothes for the following day, do lunches, and ferry children to after school activities. She is also be expected to have sex, while he has put his feet up and watched tv, had some beers and become aggressive. It has a shattering effect on her value as a woman versus becoming a slave.
So the battle of the sexes is played out daily, weekly, annually and eventually they believe they picked the wrong partner. Love has been replaced by jealousy, mistrust, suspicion and lust. The marriage has disintegrated and whoever has the upper hand will crack the whip. Everybody suffers, especially the children, and some wounds never heal.
Children are not the problem but become pawns in the battle between parents. The wrangling of their mom and dad produce insecurity, guilt issues, and can lead to refuge in drugs, alcohol, sex or gangs. They can find acceptance in gangs if they feel rejected at home. They can reject all parental authority because of emotional disappointment. It's time to bury the hatchet and try to reunite the shattered family.
We are Christians now and there is help at hand. Jesus is in our hearts to restore that lost love. We must overcome the tactics that are being used against us by our old enemy and firmly remove him from the picture. The strongest force on this planet is when a husband and wife join together with Jesus in prayer and take a stand against the devil.
Before Jesus comes into our hearts we are ruled unknowingly by the forces of darkness that cause us to sin and block God from our lives. When we get born again Jesus gives us the upper hand over those forces to stop them in their tracks and refuse them access to our lives. If we do not use this God-given authority, its not God's fault if things stay miserably the same. Ignorance is not bliss under these circumstances. Make a choice to learn how to fight in this invisible war zone. You will be so glad you did.
It takes time and patience but as we conquer the enemy in our daily lives every hope and dream reawakens. Jesus directs our lives according to the will of our Father so the more we submit to that will, the better our lives become. The love of God is powerful and if our over-heated emotions have caused hurt to the family we are going to need His Love in our hearts to reconcile them all.
Burying the hatchet means we put our spouse before ourselves and stop nagging, criticising, slave-driving, being lazy, indifferent, preoccupied and sarcastic. We start affirming our spouse concentrating on their good attributes and praying to God to be able to change to deal humanely with the unacceptable ones.
Whenever we discuss our spouse negatively with others we widen the gap. Whatever parents, friends or whoever else listens to our rants our self-control is diminished and we blame our partner. It's time to find out where your love has gone and pray for the Lord to restore your marriage. Stop badmouthing and looking for sympathy. Start plugging the hole in the boat not making it larger. The guilty party is always the one looking for support for his her grievances. It is time to get off your high horse and become humble before God.
It means forgiving 70 x 7 times every day! O Lord You forgave me much worse things than this, so I forgive my spouse this small thing now. There is a great parable of goats living atop a high mountain. The path is very steep and narrow with a long fall on one side and solid cliff on the other. When two goats meet on this path they cannot pass one another. One of them lies down and the other walks over him her. This is a picture of true humility.
This transformation of soul is coming from our renewed minds that now obey the will of God. It will plant beautiful seeds that will grow into a peaceful loving life together. Really worth the effort.
The big secret is the way we learn to communicate! It is never by accusation and condemnation, but in kindness, understanding and love. Be gentle and don't speak harsh damaging words. Don't always have to be the winner. Yield to the wisdom in your spouse. Let the final decision be his as God has made him high priest of the home with accountability to Him. The best communication of all is praying together.
If he is messing up do not confront him but take this need to our Father and put it upon His altar. Praise the Lord daily for the changes He is making even though they are not yet visible. Our Father will reward your faith.
There is an excellent movie called "Fireproof" that every troubled marriage can benefit from. It can easily be downloaded onto our laptops. It gives excellent attitude adjustments for both partners to restart their commitment and keep their vows. Do not neglect the children and their needs. Reassure them that you have buried that hatchet for good. If there are still flare ups seek counselling and keep at it until peace reigns supreme.
It is the duty of the high priest to present the needs of his family to God daily and allow God to meet those needs. Being self-sufficient is counter-productive. Let us obey the Lord and love one another as He loves us.
Prayer: Heavenly Father, we let You down but You love us any way. Thank You! Teach us humility, patience, and the way of peace through Jesus. Let us esteem others more highly than ourselves. Let us bury the hatchet and make a difference that produces greater love. In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth. Amen.